Forgiveness Is For YOU - Overcome Trauma Through Forgiveness

S1E16 You First! 5 Steps to Overcome Pride in Forgiveness

In today's episode, I define pride in the context of forgiveness. Pride is like two sides of a coin, heads or tails, virtue or vice. 

If pride stops at the pleasure or satisfaction we experience for an accomplishment that required great sacrifice, or a level of intimacy we achieved in a relationship, or recognition for a job well done, but doesn’t become the measure by which we measure others, then pride is a virtue.

From a Judeo-Christian perspective, pride is considered a capital sin, a sin that “begets” or gives rise to other sins. Pride is not OK because it blocks the graces God wants to bestow on us to live in the truth of our experience and the gift of freedom from bondage to the offender. We cannot change what happened to us, but we can change our disposition toward what happened and toward God, the offender, and the people in our lives. We can choose to show up as a victor or victim. If we choose to indulge in prideful thoughts and actions, we are more likely to show up as a victim.

References:

Catechism of the Catholic Church 

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

St. Thomas Aquinas on Humility

Resources: 

Surrender Novena 

Litany of Humility

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Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.

 

S1E15 Overcoming Resentment in the Forgiveness Process

In today’s episode, I discuss the power of resentment in the forgiveness process and offer 10 steps for overcoming it.

The definition of resentment comes from an article, From Ressentiment to Resentment as a Tertiary Emotion by Warren D. TenHouten published in 2018 in the Review of European Studies Volume 10, No 4.

TenHouten claims that resentment is not a primary or secondary emotion, but a tertiary emotion, “whose primary emotional components are anger, surprise and disgust, and whose secondary components are contempt, shock and outrage.” Resentment is a conglomerate of emotions.

I refer to a study by Almeida and Cunha on the physical effects of resentment and mention Dr. Caroline Leaf's work on processing emotions. 

Forgiveness is as much about mastery of our own emotions as it is about using our will in the decision to forgive. Forgiveness requires a level of maturity that allows us to recognize when our emotions are running the show, and when we are using reason to guide our actions. When resentment is driving our behavior, it’s time to take a step back and become private investigators. Get to the thoughts underneath, challenge them; decide on a course of action that produces the result you want. I hope that the result you want is healing and forgiveness.

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Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Connect with me HERE as your forgiveness coach. I will hold space for you as a witness to your story and help you work through the pain and rebuild your life. 

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.

S1E14 Encounter the Joyful Unknown with Monica Herber

In today’s episode, I welcome my first Guest, Monica Herber. We talk about Monica and her husband’s adoption of a child with profound disabilities and their journey through forgiveness to joyful living. Click on this LINK for a picture of Monica's family. 

Monica is the founder of The Joyful Unknown LLC, Speaker, and Certified Catholic Mindset and Marriage Coach. Her passion is to help individuals and married couples learn the tools needed to choose joy in the midst of suffering. Monica guides clients into joyful living while helping them cope with losses due to tragedy, devastating diagnoses, or life-altering events. As a proud adoptive mom of a child with profound disabilities, a survivor of infertility, and a happily married wife of 15 years, she knows how to stop settling for mere survival and start enjoying the abundance of God’s resurrection life.

Monica’s website: www.thejoyfulunknown.com. Email: monicaherber@thejoyfulunknown.com

If this podcast resonates with you, please hit subscribe below.

Write a review, share the link with a friend, take a screenshot, and share it on your social media.

Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Connect with me HERE as your forgiveness coach. I will hold space for you as a witness to your story and help you work through the pain. 

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.

S1E13 Pockets of Joy in the Midst of Suffering

In this episode, I discuss how we can make ourselves receptive to joy amid our suffering and how we can use our suffering for the good of others. I discuss the four levels of Happiness in Fr. Robert Spitzer’s book, Finding True Happiness and give three tips for how to cultivate receptivity to joy: 1. Stop, 2. Drop and 3. Rock & Roll. I mention the song Jerusalema as one of my favorites to dance to when I am opening myself up to receive joy. 

I refer to the Laughing Jesus image and wonder what Jesus' laughter sounds like. 

We can have joy in the midst of suffering. 

If this podcast resonates with you, please rate and subscribe.

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Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Connect with me as your forgiveness guide at HERE. I will hold space for you as your Christian Life Coach as you rebuild your life after trauma.

Join me for a Virtual Forgiveness Retreat on March 13 & 14 7-9 pm EST. Register at www.drcrron.com. 

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.

S1E12 Overcoming Shame in the Forgiveness Process

In this episode, I discuss the emotion of shame, the third core emotion we might experience in the forgiveness process. In recent history, shame researcher Brene Brown has made headlines around the world as she exposed this gnarly emotion and its effects on the human psyche and relationships. I focus not so much on the research but speak directly to shame concerning the forgiveness of self.

I explain the Christian understanding of the origin of shame and talk about what happens in the mind when we experience shame.

Finally, I give tips on how to develop the courage to become vulnerable, and to have empathy for ourselves in the process of self-forgiveness.

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Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.

Eww that's disgusting! 5 Ways to Approach Disgust in the Forgiveness Process

Disgust is an oft-overlooked emotion in the healing of trauma and deciding to forgive. Moral disgust is the reaction to a physical reaction towards a person who violated the moral code, such as sexual, verbal, or physical abuse and betrayal in a relationship.

If we are to forgive ourselves, we will need to take a good, hard look at how disgust is showing up in our thoughts and is manifested in our bodies.

When disgust is internalized, we have a visceral reaction to our own thoughts, emotions, and actions.

When disgust is externalized, we hyperfocus on one or two aspects of the offender and define them as a “disgusting person” based on their behavior.

Recognize that feeling disgust is part of the healing journey and you are not wrong for feeling it toward yourself or the other person. It’s a natural reaction to a moral injustice. Avoid judging yourself for feeling disgusted.

References: Pope St. John Paul II Theology of the Body 

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Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Connect with me HERE as your forgiveness guide. I will hold space for you as your Christian Life Coach as you work through your pain to a new you. 

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.

 

S1E10 Emotions in Forgiveness: Anger

It’s important to understand how our emotions can help us heal or keep us stuck in unforgiveness. In this episode, I talk about the role of anger in the forgiveness process. I make the distinction between the state of anger and the emotion of anger.

We can allow ourselves to be in a state of anger, but not for too long. When we allow the emotion of anger to morph into a state of being, we become an angry person and our tendency toward sin increases. We can allow ourselves to experience the emotion of anger and decide to use that emotion to move us toward healing.

Emotions are neutral, they are neither good nor bad. They just are. It’s what we do with them that matters. Our senses receive information and engage our imagination which informs our thoughts and leads to emotions, which can be governed by our will.

Anger’s motivation is a desire for justice, but I can show up vicious or virtuous in my anger. If my anger compels me to take action towards a good, then it’s tempered by reason. If I understand that my anger is righteous and forgiveness is for me, not the offender, my anger can help me move forward to co-create a new reality with Christ. 

If this podcast resonates with you, please subscribe/follow.

Write a review, share the link with a friend, take a screenshot, and share it on your social media.

Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Connect with me as your forgiveness guide at www.drcarron.com. I will hold space for you as your Christian Life Coach as you work through your pain and rewrite your story. Sign up HERE for a discovery call.

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.

S1E9 Is Retelling My Trauma Story Helpful or Harmful?

In this episode, I examine how our thoughts, words, and actions in unforgiveness can result in sin that we may not even be aware of committing. I also caution against advice I was given in the early stages of my recovery from sexual abuse.

The advice I got was to retell my story in all the minute detail to anyone who would listen, with the understanding that validation cures trauma. However, with each retelling of my stories, I was strengthening the neural networks in my brain that held the trauma. I was making myself sicker by reliving the trauma with each retelling. 

We know now about neuroplasticity and the ability to form new neural networks through mind-body modalities in addition to the healing we receive through our relationship with God. As the term neuroplasticity indicates, our brains are not static, what we think and believe and how we behave as a result can change, and with it, the structures in the brain that hold those thoughts and memories can also change. We can’t change the circumstances, but we can change our thoughts and behavior about the circumstances to help us move through the pain to a healthier version of ourselves.

I also sinned against God in how I retold my stories and formed judgments about my offenders, failing to see how my judgments hardened my heart in unforgiveness. By recognizing which sins I was committing, I was able to take full responsibility for how to respond rather than react to my trauma and make space for God to heal me. 

If this podcast resonates with you, please hit subscribe below.

Write a review, share the link with a friend, take a screenshot, and share it on your social media.

Connect with me as your forgiveness guide at www.drcarron.com. I will hold space for you as your Christian Life Coach as you work through your pain and rewrite your story. Sign up HERE for a discovery call.

Not ready for coaching? Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Email me at info@drcarron.com to schedule a speaking engagement at your church or small faith-sharing group.

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.